


Help Me Write the Story of Our Life

by HapaxLegomenon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Love Letters, Manga Spoilers, Marriage Proposal, Mourning, female Hanji, letter format, why is there not more Springles?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-05
Updated: 2014-04-05
Packaged: 2018-01-18 07:13:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1419308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HapaxLegomenon/pseuds/HapaxLegomenon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hey Sasha,</p><p>You know, sometimes I forget that we’ve only known each other for a few years.  It seems like you’ve always been there, and I can barely remember what my life was like before you were in it. I’m not really sure why I’m writing you a letter, instead of just talking to you, but I dunno.  I’m scared of being forgotten.  So I’m going to write the story of my life, but the story of my life isn’t really complete unless it’s the story of our life.  </p><p>-</p><p>In which Connie tries to mourn and loves Sasha with all his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Help Me Write the Story of Our Life

Hey Sasha,

                You know, sometimes I forget that we’ve only known each other for a few years.  It seems like you’ve always been there, and I can barely remember what my life was like before you were in it.  It’s crazy, but I’m not complaining.  We’ve done so much crazy stuff together.   Like, all those times during training when we broke into the kitchens in the middle of the night, and I still can’t believe we never got caught.  The Trost Trainee Corps kitchens sure have one hell of a “mouse problem”.   Lately, though, everything’s gone from good-crazy to bad-crazy.

                I’m not really sure why I’m writing you a letter, instead of just talking to you, but I dunno, I’m kind of in a weird mood.  I don’t think I can say this out loud anyway.  I guess because of everything that’s been happening.   Most of us are probably kind of messed up right now, right?  And I’m scared, I am so scared, because things are changing and people keep dying and almost dying and my family is dead, and crap I made myself cry. Sorry.  Ignore the smudges.  When I finish writing this I’m going to come find you and I need the biggest hug ever right now, so prepare yourself for that.  Not that you’re going to read this before I talk to you anyway, but… yeah.

                I feel like we’re all going to die soon.  Maybe I’m just being pessimistic but I’m just so scared that the next time we leave the Walls, we’re not going to come back.  Or, even worse, that only one of us will come back.  I need to tell you as much as I can before it happens: I love you, I love you, I love you.  I knew the Survey Corps had a high mortality rate when we joined, but knowing the percentages and seeing it in action are totally different things.  I’m trying to hold it together for everyone but I don’t know how much longer I can deal with being afraid all the time.  It’s funny, part of the reason I joined the military was so that I wouldn’t have to be afraid anymore.  And that was the same for you, right?  And yet here we are, Wings of Freedom and all, completely fucking terrified.  That plan backfired, huh?

                I love you.

                I can’t stop thinking about my village.  And my family.  I keep thinking things like “I should remember to tell Martin that joke next time I write home” or “I bet Sunny would have loved that story” and then I remember that I can never tell them anything ever again and it _hurts_.  I’m trying to be stoic and stuff but it’s really hard.  And what’s really scary is that I am the only one left.  Ragako is gone.  It’s just gone.  I’m the only one left, and my family and my village are gone, and what makes it worse it that nobody is really going to care.  In a few months or maybe a few years, nobody will remember that Ragako existed.  Nobody else in the world is going to know where we used to take the ponies and jump over the river, or that the flowers around the square bloomed violet in the spring and red in summer.  I’m the only one.  And even though I’m surrounded by soldiers and friends, it’s really lonely.  I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you, Sasha.  I don’t know how I could deal with this alone.  I can’t stand being the only one left.  I love you and I need you so much.

                I want to be remembered, you know?  If I die outside the Walls, I’m just going to end up in a decomposing mess of blood and other soldiers, or smashed into the ground, or burned in a pile.  I’m just going to be another number in the Survey Corps’ mortality count.  It’s not even death that scares me anymore, not really, but I’m afraid of being unimportant and I’m afraid of people forgetting.  Heh, I guess Jean’s getting to me.  But I just really don’t want to be forgotten.  I’m scared that I’m going to die and my entire life and my entire village will have meant nothing because anybody who cared will be dead too.  I don’t want to be a blip lost in history, I want to be the one to make that history.

                I was talking to Squad Leader Hanji the other day, and she mentioned something about a notebook they found years ago, outside the Walls.  Apparently some Survey Corps soldier got stranded outside the Walls and tried to get home on foot.  She didn’t make it, but Hanji said she was writing about it the whole way in this little notebook, right until she died.  And I thought that, maybe, I should do something like that.  Maybe I should write about Ragako and me and us and what we do, because then maybe when I’m killed people will remember me.  I know I’m not the smartest and I’m not the best with words (maybe I should get Armin to help me) but I don’t know, this just feels really important.  I want to write down the story of my life.  The story of Connie Springer, Titan Killer.  Nice ring to it, right?  And you’ll be in it, of course.   Sasha Braus, Sidekick and Potato Girl Extraordinaire!  I’m kidding, I’m kidding – I can feel you glaring at me already and you don’t even know I said that yet.   Sorry, babe.  You know I love you. 

                I love you.

                So anyway, I was thinking about that, and what I would write, and it reminded me again how important you are and how so much of what makes my life is because you’re in it.  So I’m going to write the story of my life, but the story of my life isn’t really complete unless it’s the story of _our_ life.  I want you to be there every step of the way.  I want you there when I write the first pages and the last pages and everything else in the middle.  I want you by my side.   I was thinking, maybe you can help me write the story of my – the story of _our_ – life.  Together.  What do you say? 

                I love you, Sasha.  Now and always.

 

                Love (forever),

                Connie

               

* * *

 

 

_Sasha found him a few hours after he’d left the letter under her pillow._

_“Hey, Connie?” Her voice was so soft, and her eyes were soft, and when she hugged him the hug was tight but her body was soft and warm.  Connie wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned his head against her shoulder._

_“Yes,” she whispered._

_“Huh?”_

_“Yes, I want to help you write your story.  I want us to be together forever too.  I’m here for you, always.  I love you.”_

_Connie kissed her, hard and deep._

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely inspired on Bon Jovi's song "Story Of My Life" (which you can listen to here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gf0Dk5jdQlY)
> 
> Talk fandom to me on Twitter at [@paxlegomenon](https://twitter.com/paxlegomenon).


End file.
